Ausfailure’s Olympic Meltdown Continues

Source New Zealand Herald gives up a roundup of just how badly the former penile colony is taking the current wave of failure at the London Olympics.

Australia’s Olympic chiefs could do well to think about issuing Kevlar vests to their team.

With unexpected failures in the Games’ opening days, the media flak is already

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Gillard To Blame For Ausfailure’s Olympic Sh!t The Bed

Gillard To Blame For Ausfailure Being Sh!t At Sports For The Last Decade

It’s official.

Ausfailure’s 24 million sore losers have found a scapegoat for their craparse London Olympics effort.

Julia Gillard is the reason the Aussies haven’t been able to cheat a few wins in London.

Gillard became prime minister after former leader

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HUMILIATION ALERT

Ausfailure’s decline as an aquatic superpower was again emphasised at the World Short-Course Championships in Dubai. In case you missed it, the former penile colony finished ninth behind the likes of Spain and Brazil. The London Olympics are only a year away and the bulk of Ausfailure’s medals traditionally come from the pool. Whingers suggest

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Ausfailure Fans Emulate Ricky Stuart

Following the lead of disgraced former Ausfailure coach Ricky Stuart footy fans from Ausfailure are showing they are mad as hell about being losers and are not going to take it any more.

Stuart coached the Kangalose to their Rugby League World Cup loss to New Zealand and despite having what many pundits referred to

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AUSTRALIAN MANUFACTURED CABINET FOR SALE

AUSTRALIAN MANUFACTURED CABINET FOR SALE Cabinet for Sale – details below

DISPLAY CABINET, (see attached photo) one of the most elegant and functional display cabinets currently on the market.

The cupboard is bare

Features

Fine timber details 4 leadlight options 4 side access doors (there is maximum frontal display) Adjustable shelves are extra

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Down-Under Losers Blunder and Chunder

Updated 16-08-2008 17:45

Aussie men are well known for going out on the turps and chundering their guts up after a couple of shandy’s but rarely do they perform this feat on the world stage.

Today in Beijing ocker boofhead Jared Tallent changed all that by upchucking his guts after losing the men’s 20km

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Official: Aussie Refs Admit To Being Cheats Too

Updated 02-07-2008 14:30

While it is a generally accepted fact that Aussie sports people are the worlds biggest cheats due to their inability to compete effectively on a level playing field a study just released proves that they are not the only ones cheating to get by in the big league.

Sports referees from

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Ausfailure Drug Cheat Numbers Swell For Olympic Glory

When Rugby League role model and celebrated national hero Andrew Johns boasted about taking banned drugs for a decade without punishment a year ago he obviously he sent a message to other athletes from Ausfailure not quite good enough to compete without cheating. That message was ‘take any drugs you like, you’ll probably get away

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Aussie Loses First Olympic Medal Before Games Even Start

Sports fans from Ausfailure were gutted today when yet another attempt to send a player to the Olympics by rorting the rules was trounced by The Court of Arbitration for Sport.

This follows hot on the heals of FIFA laughing off an attempt by Football Ausfailure to play a banned player during the Bejing games.

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FIFA says F-OFF FFS to FFA

International Soccer ringmasters Fifa have laughed off the tuggery of the Football Federation of Ausfailure after they tried to impose an on again off again ban on one of their thugs for smacking over a ref. Originally suspended from competing at the August 8-24 Games after being handed a 15-month suspension for striking referee Mark

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Ausfailure Adopts New Flag Following Second Tri Nations Humiliation

Ausfailure Adopts New Flag

Ausfailure today announced that it was adopting a new flag in recognition of it’s sporting woes over the last 2 years. The flag fittingly replaces all the stars with asterisks on the current flag.

Humilitated by New Zealand in 2005 in the Tri Nations final where Willy Mason

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Aussie Puckerood By Kiwis At World Champs

New Zealand’s Black Sticks shocked Australia with a scoreless draw in their second match of the women’s World Champions Trophy hockey tournament in Amsterdam this morning.

The young New Zealanders kept the world’s third-ranked side goalless and came close to upsetting them again after their shock win in last year’s Oceania tournament.

The puckeroos suffered

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Ausfailure Whinge Again

As Ausfailure struggles to come to terms with the fact that they are pretty much crap at everything these days Aussies are leading the charge in blaming everyone but themselves for their crap performances. Even those who have buggered off from Loser Central to hide from the humiliating defeats still find their natural talent for

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Ausfailure: The Green and Golden Shower?

The Green and Golden Shower

Ausfailure today accepted that it had earned the tile of the Green and Golden Shower following the historic loss to New Zealand (again) in the Netball Test held at Waitakarie between the Silver Ferns and Ausfailure.

New Zealand scored a record 61 points against the former

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Ausfailure Wins 20 Golds at 2008 Olympics

Desperate to enhance the image of Ausfailure as a nation of losers the Australian Olympic Committee has announced it has won 20 gold medals at the 2008 Olympics.

No Ashes, beaten by the Kiwis in Sydney for the first time since 1959, no Bledisloe Cup, no golf majors, tennis brat Lleyton Hewitt still can’t win

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Australia Announces New Test Strip

Australian Captain Ms Darren Lockyer shows off the new test strip for the paparazzi.

The head honchos of Australian Rugby League today announced that for all test matches against formidable third string Kiwi rugby league sides Australian Players would be kitted out in a special playing strip. A spokesman said that the new strip

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Virus Hits Aussie Team

Olympic gold medal-winning swimmer Ian Thorpe has an upper respiratory tract infection, Australian team doctors said today.

Doctors said Thorpe started to feel the effects of the infection a couple of days a ago.

Thorpe started to feel the effects of the infection on the afternoon of his 200m race on Monday.

“That afternoon he

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AOC Investigates Village Incident

The Australian Olympic Committee is investigating an incident in the athletes’ village last night involving two swimmers.

An AOC spokesman confirmed the incident, and said officials were still in discussions with the swimmers involved.

“We’re just talking to the swimmers at this stage,” he said.

No disciplinary action had been taken yet.

The AOC spokesman

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USA Denies ‘Unfair Advantage’ Claim

The USA swimming team today refuted Australia’s protest into it’s late Olympic entrant Willy Grunter, the New Jersey freak who was born with and outboard motor between his legs instead of a what’s it.

USA team officials said that it was particularly cruel of the Australians to allege that Willy’s enhancements amounted to an unfair

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New Mascot Launched Today

The Australian Olympic Games Fund Raising Committee and Ladies Auxiliary today announced a new addition to the mascots that are currently available.

‘Silvia’ will join Wally, Bazza and Darky as games mascots and will go on sale immediately.

Silvia is a silver wattle leaf with 2 arms, 2 legs and 2 faces.

“We think this

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