Famine Declared

Ausfailure - Desperate for any help

Rugby League, Rugby Union, Cricket, Soccer, Fly Fishing, Formula 1, and now Tennis. There is breaking news for Ausfailure – and it’s all bad, bad bad.

With their nation currently undergoing major upheaval following the removal of their prime minister by the mining companies and coming to terms with yet another prime minister without an testicles, Ausfailure’s people are in crisis.

On top of this is the serious famine in sports victories.

It began when New Zealand, a small sparsely populated group of islands somewhere in the pacific, kicked their arse at rugby league taking the rugby league world championship title in convincing fashion.

The deck of cards fell, one by one and this week saw the Sockerlose demonstrate the fine art of failing by winning at the Wrong time and the Cheateroos cricket team completed a 3 nil round of failures by handing the Ashes, the T20 and the current ODI series to England.

Yes, that’s what I said.


Aussie sports junkies, desperate for any kind of fix, looked to Wimbledon.

In the sheilas singles Jarmil Groth was the great hope, but in typical Ausfailure fashion crapped out.

All eyes turned to Leyton Hewitt, the boy wonder from down under, who has yet to win an Ausfailure Open. he sh!t the bed overnight and can include Wimbledon 2010 on his long list of failures.

Ausfailure is doing so bad at sport that a Facebook Group has been set up to support those struggling to cope with the devastating news delivered daily by sports websites such as http://www.ausfailure.com where each and every loss is dissected and analyzed by experts.

Supreme web writer Oswald P Wrong said the task of recording Ausfailure’s failures was ‘daunting, there’s just so many of them lately’.

‘I’m looking forward to them being allowed to cheat again, if only to reduce my workload’ said Wrong.

Julia Gillard’s new government is said to be looking at ways to give Ausfailure’s sports fans something to be happy about soon with plans to legislate losing teams out of existence, ‘…if they don’t self destruct first, like the cricket and league boys have’ said a source from the prime ministers circle of shiela friends at a recent group waxing session.

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